The following poems are a bit of a hobby of mine. I never really tried to write any poetry for most of my life, and then out of the blue I wrote a poem, which I have left untitled. Over the next few months I wrote a few more. Nowadays I just write when inspirations strikes, which has been usually more than six months at a time.

I've just posted a couple poems. Not So Long Ago was written a few months ago, and another one just a couple days ago, which I felt compelled to post even though I haven't yet titled it (I plan to, but knowing myself I probably won't get around to it).

I might tell you a little bit more about these poems later here, but you're better off reading future updates to the front page.

(untitled)

     There is an angel in my mind
     She was the angel in my life
     Hell's magic in a thin disguise
     A thousand torments she brings to me
     Each night an angel makes love to me
     A devil scorns me

     Once I wanted to believe it was forever
     I beg you to leave but I can't let you go
     Your love turned to pain still runs in my blood

     You promised to take care of me
     You said I could love you forever
     You took my soul from me
     You turned your back on me
     Threw me into this hell
     I live a thousand damnations

     I do not know if there is a way out
     I am afraid to look away
     I cannot turn from you
     Forever under your spell
     Praying you will love me again

Always

     You left me
     But I'm always here
     I'm always thinking
     About how you're always not
     About how you always were
     And supposing that you'll never be
     But I'm always going to miss you
     I'm always going to need you
     I'm always going to be the one
     That always loves you
     No matter where you go
     Who you love
     Who you screw
     Who you leave
     Who you help
     Who you hurt
     Who hurts you
     Who loves you
     Who takes you away
     I'm always going to be here

Still

     Your memories are fading
     My mind doesn't love you anymore
     But my heart is still bleeding
     The piece you took is still missing

     I said only you forever
     I never thought that meant I'd be alone

     But I'm living with what you've made me
     I'm surprised I've gotten this far
     But I'm still not ready to quit

     You made me but you won't break me
     You might own me but you can't sell me
     You took my soul but I'm still here

     You've still got the last key
     Inside you is where I still need to be

     Now I know that won't ever be
     But I know I can't stop dreaming
     As long as you're alive

Take

     Won't someone take this piece of pain from me
     I don't care what it takes anymore
     Rip it
     Burn it
     Cut it
     Get it out
     I don't care if it bleeds
     I don't care how much it hurts
     That doesn't matter anymore
     I've got to get it out
     If it cripples me
     If it kills me
     I've got to get it out of me

     I can't ever live like this
     I can't breathe or love or sleep
     I don't want anything from you
     Just take my pain away
     Rip it
     Burn it
     Cut it
     Get it out
     I don't care about the hole
     That this is going to leave
     I don't care about the blood
     That I'm gonna bleed

Reality

     Maybe someday you and I
     Will be someone else's jaded reality

     Maybe someone will look at me
     And see what they've always believed

     Everything passes
     And everything goes away
     And everything comes back again

     So who can say I won't be back
     Someday I'll be the only thing
     That someone's no longer afraid of

     Someday I'll have a face
     That people want to look into
     So they can pretend that they understand

     But I'll still look in the mirror
     And see what they'll never see
     I'll see what makes it all worthless
     And you'll know that it's not only me

     Those people outside will never know
     They don't think that they'll be hurt
     By the things that they've never seen

     So you and I will be the ones
     That know the truth that no longer exists
     And we'll look at the people and smile
     And let them believe all our myths

Illusion (written September 21st 1998)

     I've been dead for so long
     It'd be crazy to believe
     That I'm starting to live again
     But maybe this is life that I feel
     Maybe this is sunshine that I see
     Maybe it's my heart inside me
     Still beating for some reason

     I'm not sure if I want to go
     Down this path again
     It's not too fun
     It's not too pleasant
     I don't know if it's where I belong

     But for now I think I'll grit my teeth
     I think I'll try to smile
     I think I'll take a walk
     And see how far I get this time

Half Full (written October 3rd 1999)

     The girl says stop and the girl says go
     She thinks she knows what to do and where she wants to go
     But life is crumbling and she's not where she wants to be
     She's gonna keep on pushing she's gonna make life see
     And when it gets dark and when it gets cold
     She thinks of what she doesn't need and what's out of her control
     She knows she doesn't want it but maybe someday she just won't care
     When she looks into her eyes she wonders if it was ever really there
     But she'll keep on saying that her glass is half full
     Because she still exists as long as she's in control

When I Was A Child (written May 7th 2000)

     When I was a child
     I couldn't see and I couldn't feel
     All the things that occupy me now
     I didn't know right and I didn't know wrong
     But I was here so I played along

     When I was six I didn't understand
     What people seemed to think was wrong with me
     But some things happen that no one decides to expect

     When I was ten I began to think
     That I didn't need you if you didn't like me
     And I was pretty sure the whole world didn't like me

     When I was thirteen I found out
     That girls were really very complicated
     And life would be much simpler if I never ever dated

     When I was sixteen I learned
     How lonely you can get when a single person goes away
     But I wonder if I still take the rest for granted?

     When I was eighteen I broke free
     But there wasn't much going on
     And I got to know that empty feeling

     Yesterday I wondered if it all really mattered
     Do the people I care so much about
     Ever stop to think about me?
     Do the things I do
     Change what you're going to see?

     When I was a child
     Life was much simpler because I didn't know
     But now I don't know if this is much better

Fool (written July 31st 2000)

     You're my favorite bad habit
     You're the disease I won't treat
     You're the hole that I fall into
     When I'm walking in the dark

     I could easily let you go
     But I don't know what's behind the door
     I need to know what kind of pain
     That you've got in store

     Maybe you really care about me
     And you just haven't said it
     Or maybe I'm just your fool
     And I guess that I can't help it

To Make You See (written August 27th 2001)

     What would I have to do
     To finally make you see
     That I'm more than just your friend
     I'm the one you really need

     I wish I could be your father
     Maybe you wish I'd be your mother
     But it would make so much more sense
     If I was just your lover

     I try to do what's right
     And I try to protect you
     But I'm always picking fights
     With the lonliness I feel

     Sometimes I think we're drifting
     Like a door is slowly closing
     And I don't know if I'll be thankful
     If I never know what I'm missing

A Gift (written September 16th 2001)

     I dug my claws into the wall
     Holding onto your reality
     I put on my brave mask
     For everyone to see

     But it's been so long
     And I'm barely alive
     I find it hard to breathe
     And impossible to scream

     And if I could scream
     What would I say?
     Take away my mask?
     But it is now my face

     Take your reality?
     It is now my own
     And all I have left
     Is the hell you gave me

Not So Long Ago (written October 17th 2001)

     Not so long ago
     I could trust you

     Not so long ago
     I didn't know pain

     Not so long ago
     Someone else hurt me

     Try as I might
     I fear I have changed

     Not so long ago
     I believed in true love

     Not so long ago
     I believed it would last

     Not so long ago
     Someone betrayed me

     And the things I believe in
     are changing fast

     Not so long ago
     I was so innocent

     Not so long ago
     I believed in destiny

     Not so long ago
     My innocence was broken

     These fears and doubts
     Have since controlled me

But I Know (written January 28th)
     I want to say you were wrong for me
     But I know you were right

     I want to say you are hopeless
     But I have too much hope left

     I want to believe you are evil
     But I've seen the purity in your heart

     I want to say my love deserves more
     But I know it couldn't have a more worthy subject

Enough, take me back