The following poems are a bit of a hobby of mine. I never really tried to write any poetry for most of my life, and then out of the blue I wrote a poem, which I have left untitled. Over the next few months I wrote a few more. Nowadays I just write when inspirations strikes, which has been usually more than six months at a time.
I've just posted a couple poems. Not So Long Ago was written a few months ago, and another one just a couple days ago, which I felt compelled to post even though I haven't yet titled it (I plan to, but knowing myself I probably won't get around to it).
I might tell you a little bit more about these poems later here, but you're better off reading future updates to the front page.
(untitled)
There is an angel in my mind
She was the angel in my life
Hell's magic in a thin disguise
A thousand torments she brings to me
Each night an angel makes love to me
A devil scorns me
Once I wanted to believe it was forever
I beg you to leave but I can't let you go
Your love turned to pain still runs in my blood
You promised to take care of me
You said I could love you forever
You took my soul from me
You turned your back on me
Threw me into this hell
I live a thousand damnations
I do not know if there is a way out
I am afraid to look away
I cannot turn from you
Forever under your spell
Praying you will love me again
Always
You left me
But I'm always here
I'm always thinking
About how you're always not
About how you always were
And supposing that you'll never be
But I'm always going to miss you
I'm always going to need you
I'm always going to be the one
That always loves you
No matter where you go
Who you love
Who you screw
Who you leave
Who you help
Who you hurt
Who hurts you
Who loves you
Who takes you away
I'm always going to be here
Still
Your memories are fading
My mind doesn't love you anymore
But my heart is still bleeding
The piece you took is still missing
I said only you forever
I never thought that meant I'd be alone
But I'm living with what you've made me
I'm surprised I've gotten this far
But I'm still not ready to quit
You made me but you won't break me
You might own me but you can't sell me
You took my soul but I'm still here
You've still got the last key
Inside you is where I still need to be
Now I know that won't ever be
But I know I can't stop dreaming
As long as you're alive
Take
Won't someone take this piece of pain from me
I don't care what it takes anymore
Rip it
Burn it
Cut it
Get it out
I don't care if it bleeds
I don't care how much it hurts
That doesn't matter anymore
I've got to get it out
If it cripples me
If it kills me
I've got to get it out of me
I can't ever live like this
I can't breathe or love or sleep
I don't want anything from you
Just take my pain away
Rip it
Burn it
Cut it
Get it out
I don't care about the hole
That this is going to leave
I don't care about the blood
That I'm gonna bleed
Reality
Maybe someday you and I
Will be someone else's jaded reality
Maybe someone will look at me
And see what they've always believed
Everything passes
And everything goes away
And everything comes back again
So who can say I won't be back
Someday I'll be the only thing
That someone's no longer afraid of
Someday I'll have a face
That people want to look into
So they can pretend that they understand
But I'll still look in the mirror
And see what they'll never see
I'll see what makes it all worthless
And you'll know that it's not only me
Those people outside will never know
They don't think that they'll be hurt
By the things that they've never seen
So you and I will be the ones
That know the truth that no longer exists
And we'll look at the people and smile
And let them believe all our myths
Illusion (written September 21st 1998)
I've been dead for so long
It'd be crazy to believe
That I'm starting to live again
But maybe this is life that I feel
Maybe this is sunshine that I see
Maybe it's my heart inside me
Still beating for some reason
I'm not sure if I want to go
Down this path again
It's not too fun
It's not too pleasant
I don't know if it's where I belong
But for now I think I'll grit my teeth
I think I'll try to smile
I think I'll take a walk
And see how far I get this time
Half Full (written October 3rd 1999)
The girl says stop and the girl says go
She thinks she knows what to do and where she wants to go
But life is crumbling and she's not where she wants to be
She's gonna keep on pushing she's gonna make life see
And when it gets dark and when it gets cold
She thinks of what she doesn't need and what's out of her control
She knows she doesn't want it but maybe someday she just won't care
When she looks into her eyes she wonders if it was ever really there
But she'll keep on saying that her glass is half full
Because she still exists as long as she's in control
When I Was A Child (written May 7th 2000)
When I was a child
I couldn't see and I couldn't feel
All the things that occupy me now
I didn't know right and I didn't know wrong
But I was here so I played along
When I was six I didn't understand
What people seemed to think was wrong with me
But some things happen that no one decides to expect
When I was ten I began to think
That I didn't need you if you didn't like me
And I was pretty sure the whole world didn't like me
When I was thirteen I found out
That girls were really very complicated
And life would be much simpler if I never ever dated
When I was sixteen I learned
How lonely you can get when a single person goes away
But I wonder if I still take the rest for granted?
When I was eighteen I broke free
But there wasn't much going on
And I got to know that empty feeling
Yesterday I wondered if it all really mattered
Do the people I care so much about
Ever stop to think about me?
Do the things I do
Change what you're going to see?
When I was a child
Life was much simpler because I didn't know
But now I don't know if this is much better
Fool (written July 31st 2000)
You're my favorite bad habit
You're the disease I won't treat
You're the hole that I fall into
When I'm walking in the dark
I could easily let you go
But I don't know what's behind the door
I need to know what kind of pain
That you've got in store
Maybe you really care about me
And you just haven't said it
Or maybe I'm just your fool
And I guess that I can't help it
To Make You See (written August 27th 2001)
What would I have to do
To finally make you see
That I'm more than just your friend
I'm the one you really need
I wish I could be your father
Maybe you wish I'd be your mother
But it would make so much more sense
If I was just your lover
I try to do what's right
And I try to protect you
But I'm always picking fights
With the lonliness I feel
Sometimes I think we're drifting
Like a door is slowly closing
And I don't know if I'll be thankful
If I never know what I'm missing
A Gift (written September 16th 2001)
I dug my claws into the wall
Holding onto your reality
I put on my brave mask
For everyone to see
But it's been so long
And I'm barely alive
I find it hard to breathe
And impossible to scream
And if I could scream
What would I say?
Take away my mask?
But it is now my face
Take your reality?
It is now my own
And all I have left
Is the hell you gave me
Not So Long Ago (written October 17th 2001)
Not so long ago
I could trust you
Not so long ago
I didn't know pain
Not so long ago
Someone else hurt me
Try as I might
I fear I have changed
Not so long ago
I believed in true love
Not so long ago
I believed it would last
Not so long ago
Someone betrayed me
And the things I believe in
are changing fast
Not so long ago
I was so innocent
Not so long ago
I believed in destiny
Not so long ago
My innocence was broken
These fears and doubts
Have since controlled me
But I Know (written January 28th)
I want to say you were wrong for me
But I know you were right
I want to say you are hopeless
But I have too much hope left
I want to believe you are evil
But I've seen the purity in your heart
I want to say my love deserves more
But I know it couldn't have a more worthy subject