Deymond

For fuck's sake, I'm Alec Baldwin!

2007-04-21T16:14:00.000-05:00

Alec Baldwin's voicemail to his daughter is the greatest thing I've heard in a long time.

Three things I take away from this:

"Once again I've made an ass of myself..." You think he doesn't know how much of an ass he is, but he does.

The whole thing sounds incredibly harsh to lay on an 11-year-old, but in Alec's defense, he doesn't know his daughter's age.

I hope Target can acquire his services for their day-after-Thanksgiving wake up call promotion this year.

President Spaz

2007-05-21T23:15:00.000-05:00

Back in January, Jimmy Carter defended his book "Palestine Peace Not Apartheid," at Brandeis University. His book had been out for two months, and he took occasion (after prompting from a member of the audience) to apologize for a passage in his book. The passage stated that suicide bombings against Israel should be halted after Israel accepted the "ultimate goals of the Roadmap for Peace." The word "after" is not a trivial one, nor is it a detail that anyone with even a remote interest in the subject would be likely to overlook. The entire road map is based on the idea that Palestinian terrorism must stop (and that efforts must be taken by Palestinian security forces to prevent such attacks) in the initial phase before a two-state solution can be achieved in the third and final phase.

Carter said, "The sentence was worded in an absolutely improper and stupid way. I apologize...it was a mistake on my part."

Whoops. I didn't mean to believe that!

Jimmy Carter hadn't made much noise since then. However, over the weekend he was all over the news. In addition to repeating to the BBC his characterization of Tony Blair as "subservient" ally of the United States, he was interviewed by the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, supposedly for the purpose of promoting an audiobook set of Sunday school lessons.

During the interview he was asked to compare Richard Nixon's presidency to that of the current president. His response was that "this administration has been the worst in history." A spokesperson for Carter confirmed the comments after they were published on Saturday, and then Carter appeared on Monday's Today Show claiming that his remarks were "careless or misinterpreted." In response to being called "increasingly irrelevant" by the White House, he said that he doesn't claim to have any relevancy.

I'm not surprised by Carter's original comments. In recent years, Jimmy Carter has shown himself to possess the discretion of an old white Kanye West, offering outrageous comments to the public who is at first bewildered and then comforted by the realization that nobody actually cares what he says. I can't say that the comments about President Bush were especially offensive either. They are quite tame compared to criticism of Israel, or even his suggestion that Prime Minister Blair is making no pretense to act in the United Kingdom's best interests, which one could logically conclude makes Blair guilty of treason against his country.

What kind of an image does Carter hope to project? If he wants to be loved by the radical left who see the United States and Israel as enemies of civilization, he needs to stop apologizing, or at least choosing more easily defensible words to explain his views.

If he wants to be appreciated by mainstream America, or even mainstream liberal America, he needs to invest in a book editor, a publicist, and possibly a muzzle. When you're a former president, you're not supposed to get tripped up in a phone interview with the religion editor of the 61st largest newspaper in the country.

In a polarized society, a comment that alienates many people is likely to garner favor with many others. However, if you then backtrack and claim incompetence, you succeed in alienating most everyone, and making the rest suspicious of your intentions. If Carter is not concerned about relevancy, he should find himself a new hobby and stop embarrassing the people of Georgia.

Hate crimes

2006-05-03T16:39:00.000-05:00

A man is being charged with a hate crime after assaulting Miami Dolphins linebacker Jason Taylor.

I guess the theory is that people who feel they have fundamental reasons for hating you are more dangerous than the good people who just want to beat you up, take your belongings, or otherwise make your life miserable.

Now, I think Jason Taylor's a fine guy, and I would discourage anyone from driving him off of the road so that they can pick a fight with him. I would pretty much always discourage fighting with someone who can easily kick your ass. But whatever motivation Mr. Redmond Burns might have had for yelling racial epithets into the face of a man seven inches taller and eighty-five pounds heavier than himself, it seems to me that it in fact makes him less of a threat to civilization.

If the additional penalties for a hate crime are based upon what we perceive to be in mind of the criminal, this man's relatively uncluttered mind should earn him a discount.

Immigration

2006-04-10T23:41:00.000-05:00

I haven't paid a whole lot of attention to the immigration proposals being floated in congress, since I don't get to vote in congress. But as long as we have a 'safety net' which dictates that the hungry must be fed and the poor must be clothed and children must be educated, immigration will always be a burden. Whether that burden is outweighed by the benefits is up for debate, and that debate will last as long as the situation lasts, regardless of what happens to this legislation. Aside from that whole safety net thing, I think of myself as a proponent of open borders. But the criticisms of guest worker programs have me thinking that it is not a good idea to create an economic underclass. I think it's easy for Republicans to forget that unions are not just organizations that fund their opponents, but they are also (in theory) a vital component ofthe economy. If a group of workers isn't able to negotiate their terms of employment on par with everyone else, that causes discord in the free market economy. It's bad enough that we have a minimum wage in this country which has destroyed many jobs and artificially increased the cost of education. But now people want to undercut that minimum wage by allowing other people to enter the job market more easily. If you put the two together it's the same as putting out a sign that says 'no Americans need apply.'

I watch a lot of CNBC, so I see representatives of the business community talking about how they have jobs that people won't do, and so they shouldn't be faulted for employing illegal aliens. I even heard one of them make the bold claim that 'it's not a wage issue.' If anyone still believes that there are some things that Americans won't do no matter how much you pay them, they obviously missed the whole reality tv thing. The truth is, everyone knows illegal things are cheaper. If a guy gives you a great deal on a brand new stereo out of the back of his van, it was probably stolen. Just like the guy selling half-price Newports outside the grocery store (or maybe that only happens in New York), illegal aliens will accept lower wages not because they like picking vegetables or because of the color of their skin, but because it is illegal for them to be employed. If the government took a hard line on this, you bet the cost of tomatoes would rise. But maintaining the price of tomatoes is not a justification for allowing people to break the law and profit from it.

Irrelevant observations

2006-04-06T11:41:00.000-05:00

My favorite bad movie actor, Dennis Quaid, has a new movie coming out. He plays the president of the United States. Ever since someone floated the idea of Air Force One 2 to me, I always thought Randy Quaid would play a great president (especially as the son of Harrison Ford).

I heard David Duchovny's voice on a pet food commercial today. How the proud have fallen. But at least he'll be remembered for something. Some actors toil away for 25 years with nothing to show for it.

I wanted to write about Cynthia McKinney, but I couldn't figure out where to start. At any rate, it disturbs me greatly that a public servant has the gall to say that they've been harmed because a police officer doesn't recognize all 535 members of congress on sight. I watched one of her press conferences, when Harry Belafonte was rambling on about how he didn't like how a Capitol Police officer had told a group of children to move in an orderly fashion. Ms. McKinney's eyes were rolling about in her head, as if she was under the influence of some powerful narcotics. I hope we get to see more of that on television.

I don't know what Springfield, Massachusetts is like. But apparently it's a bit rowdy. Some people should not share this planet with the rest of humanity.

I'm glad that Duke is taking the scandal with the lacrosse team seriously. But I wish that had been the basketball team. Bowing out of the NCAA tournament might've been more difficult decision than canceling the lacrosse season.

Globalrichlist.com

2006-04-02T20:58:00.000-05:00

I've had this website sitting in a window here on my computer most of the day, pondering what sort of commentary that it is upon the way people live their lives. The link to it said 'prepare to feel guilty.' Once you arrive, it asks you to enter your salary and then it shows your position in the world on a slider and tells you:

You are in the top 0.911% richest people in the world.

There are 5,945,324,435 people poorer than you.
How do you feel about that? A bit richer we hope. Please consider donating just a small amount to help some of the poorest people in the world. Many of their lives could be improved dramatically or even saved if you donate just one hour's salary (approx $33.33).

How do you feel about that?

Now, I don't want to give the wrong impression here. I'm not against charity. In fact, last year I gave more money to charity than 5,139,611,901 people earned. But I felt pretty good about being in the top 0.911% of worldwide earners. I would've felt even better if I could've gotten into the top 0.839%. And I couldn't help thinking that even though I probably could greatly improve the lives of some of those 5,139,611,901 people with one hour's salary, I know it would be nothing compared to how much those 5,139,611,901 people could improve my life if they would each donate one hour's salary to me. Or even one minute's salary.

Also on the site are some rotating factlets of truthiness. My favorite is 'Three decades ago, the people in well-to-do countries were 30 times better off than those in countries where the poorest 20 percent of the world's people live. By 1998, this gap had widened to 82 times.' People tend to look at the gap between the rich and the poor as a bad thing, and in many cases it is. But if you're using the poorest countries as a baseline, I don't think it's a bad thing. If your lowest common denominator is 'shitty,' I think it's a great thing that the well-to-do countries are 82 times better than 'shitty.' If they remained only 30 times better after 22 years, people would rightly question the future of our civilization.

I'm the 54,316,565 richest person on earth!
Go away, you're not getting any.

If it were me, I'd be content to leave out the details...

2006-03-07T04:12:00.000-05:00

...but this woman dictated a letter just to ensure that all her friends knew she was a urine-drinker.

"I swim and hold the boat in the day to avoid from the sun and I have to drink my urine," she said in a statement dictated to a hospital worker on the Thai resort island of Phuket to which the fishing boat took her.

The Donald

2006-03-07T22:51:00.000-05:00

Donald Trump has suggested that he'd be open to the idea of dating his own daughter, if she in fact were not his own daughter. That sounds bad, I guess, but considering Donald Trump, it shouldn't be all that shocking. On the other hand, it's nice to know he's given it some thought.

'A very great success'

2006-03-26T22:01:00.000-05:00

873 people exited an Airbus A380 in 80 seconds during an evacuation drill in Germany. 33 people were injured, but Airbus pointed out that an evacuation of 650 people in 90 seconds would've been sufficient to meet safety requirements. The company didn't specify whether or not a scenario in which 223 people died would also be considered a great success.

Bill Clinton's wife tells him what to do...

2006-03-21T23:32:00.000-05:00

Or at least that's what a lot of people said when he was president. We know it's now true. If only it had been back then.

I don't blame her in this situation...but I'd like to imagine the public (and media) response to a story stating that a male politician had 'final say' over his wife's words and actions.

Two articles about China...

2006-03-16T12:41:00.000-05:00

It likely interests no one but me...

2006-03-11T13:09:00.000-05:00

...but this is a great article on recycling.

If you've ever enjoyed the wonder...

2006-03-09T21:56:00.000-05:00

...that is engrish.com, you've got to look at this menu.

Don't miss Carbon burns black bowel and Fuck the salt duck chin.

California priorities...

2006-03-09T20:58:00.000-05:00

It's illegal to urinate in public in the state of California. Three judges took 20 pages to explain this. It seems like a rather simple thing, something most folks would've already known, right? Apparently prosecutors in the same county aren't even phased by the idea of a neurosurgeon operating while intoxicated.

The article indicates that sheriff's deputies arrested the good doctor on suspicion of being drunk in public (although wouldn't , but the tests were incomplete because he refused to cooperate. Thus, the prosecutors dropped those charges. We don't know how intoxicated the doctor may or may not have been, but hospital stated that they would review their policies on alcohol use, which is not the sort of thing you do unless someone feels that alcohol was a factor.

People tell me I need a hobby.

2006-03-08T21:17:00.000-05:00

This guy needs a hobby.

The best photo, ever.

2006-03-14T19:05:00.000-05:00

The junior senator from Michigan has a thing or two to learn about PR.

"Lewis will stare you down, and you never know how he will react."

2006-03-29T17:48:00.000-05:00

Cat arrested after refusing Prozac.

(not) Work(ing)

2006-03-31T00:58:00.000-05:00

Couldn't help thinking about STS today. I ended up reading through a few hundred Google listings about it (an old habit from me pre-nonstalker days). I guess aside from being hung out to dry, I really enjoyed myself there. I guess the great thing about 90 hour weeks is that you're too tired to really remember them. But man, I'll never forget being buzzed (eh, maybe a little drunk) in front of Linda, who had to have known that I was chugging that bottle of cough syrup right before I slid over to listen to her evil-bitch story.

Yeah, my standards for fun are probably a little low. But I bet you don't have a Korean brothel story.

I'm easily amused...

2006-03-28T00:51:00.000-05:00

"Lieutenant Gaussen succeeded in mounting Corporal Rasmussen..."

The French are morons

2006-03-18T23:36:00.000-05:00

If you haven't heard, half a million French youths (that is the government's number, organizers claim 2-3 times that many) are protesting a proposed law in France that would allow employers to fire workers under the age of 26. Think of 'at will' employment. The fact that employers are not able to easily do so now is a significant contributing factor to the high unemployment rate (23% for workers under the age of 26, and up to 50% in some areas).

Of course, the youths (and the unions) don't like this. So what better way to demonstrate why employers should not be allowed to fire them without cause? By behaving as animals.

More California news...

2006-03-16T12:47:00.000-05:00

Man sues self.

This headline intrigues me...

2006-03-10T04:04:00.000-05:00

Rat-squirrel back after 11-million-year absence

Is there some suggestion that the rodent-rodent (apparently better known as the Laotian Rock Rat) left? Maybe it's been trolling distant galaxies for better seeds and leaves.I'm fascinated when people define the parameters of something's existence by their ability or desire to pay attention.